Welp, guess he’s not dead after all.
The only vegetable in America that hasn’t been recalled.
Dear Mitch,
You look as fresh as spring lettuce.
Love,
Taylor Farms
American gerontocracy.
One of two things are happening here:
Or
He’s a Chucky Cheese animatronic.
Reporters and photographers were told by Senate staff not to take video of his remarks in the second-floor hallway, even though video is often permitted in that area. Still images were allowed.
From the AP article
Something is fucked for sure with this and they are all covering it up
Video would make his unresponsive condition apparent.
He’s being kept alive.
Is he being “weekend at berinied”?
weekend at MITCH, backstory, his wife chao went to China with his phylactery in order to use lindsey graham’s soul to reanimate the lich.
It’s unfortunate that Jack Burton wasn’t able to finish Mitch off like he did with Lo Pan, but at least he was still successful in saving an innocent jade-eyed lady.
Wtf??? That worthless fucking ghoul is still alive???
This is an absolute ass timeline…
You cannot kill that which has no life.
This is one of the best lines Trey Parker ever wrote.
A couple of IV’s of the blood of children and he’s good to go
Nothing good ever happens
they finally was able to ressurect him with his phylactery.
Still no believable video
Only video I saw was him in a car and it was very clear he didn’t even know where he was. Guy is legitimately not there and it’s insane they’re dragging him around for this.
He’s a pos but it’s still elder abuse in the end.
I saw a candid video of him in the wheelchair on the senate floor, talking to people
He looks more decrepit than usual, but I had no reason to think the video wasn’t real
did it have audio that you could perceive his voice?
No, you just see him talking to some people inside the senate. Its sketch that the reports of what he said are only second hand accounts. Still reported by Associated Press, so hard to get more credible… overall suss still.
It’s inexplicable why they are currently and formerly so secretive about his condition. Makes no sense for any good faith reasoning.
i just saw the one video of him in a car and hes clearly a museum exhibit
Yeah, if he was actually able to say any of those lines, it’s probably heavily rehearsed. There’s 2-3 direct snippets associated to him and that’s it. Took no questions.
Somehow, Mitch McConnell returned
Dang, I only spotted your comment after posting the same joke. Here, have an upvote instead.
Tbh I was really surprised I didn’t see this particular joke when I posted it
Is it a joke? No one truly expected Mitch McConnell to return
Sure, but this specific combination of words was selected to mirror the same phrase spoken by Poe in Rise of Skywalker.
The joke is that, like J. J. Abrams, the authors of our timeline are out of ideas and just reuse existing villains instead of creating new interesting ones.
Rigor mortis is the only thing that keeps him sitting up.
he is a lich, lindsey’s soul only half-reanimated his body.
He heard a vote about paid sick leave was presented, and so had to come in and vote against.
Ooh, they’ve done a really good job on him. You can’t even see the strings!
It’s all animatronics these days
It’s all compooter!
his necromancer is an expert at reanimating corpses.
Worth it
My man got the Pelosi treatment.
“My recovery has been a long and often frustrating process, and the lingering effects of childhood polio haven’t made it any easier,” McConnell said
He’s old enough to have had polio.
Well. He’s certainly not young enough to have had polio.
Rumor has it he arrived on Earth on the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
He’s like 10 years older than Ruby Bridges, I think. That would have made him old enough to scream at her while she was going into her school building or throw rocks at black people going into soda fountains.
and the lingering effects of childhood polio haven’t made it any easier
Good. Die.
But they want to ban vaccines.
hes older than that, hes the silent generation.
Some one brought something up when I shared to discord;
he’s a millionaire, why is he riding around in a Travel Wheelchair? (cheapest, least comfortable option, usually only used when travelling for the fact that it can be collapsed quite small for car journeys)
Because accessibility is DEI.
/s
Lich McConnell living up to his name.
How long can they move him around before the wire implants degrade?
