And to think, 50 years ago scientists had no idea there were ducks on Jupiter.

I live in a pretty busy car dependent city, and I usually put my daily commute into Google Maps just to get advance warning about traffic jams or wrecks.

They know most people aren’t okay with it, that’s why they keep having to find new names for it.

• PhD students

• happy

Not what nature intended, tbh.

I used to be young and uncool, and when it rained I was like “This is good. My mom won’t hassle me for playing video games.”

Fine! I’ll use my laptop instead.

You know what else is mind blowing? Even after undergoing no maintenance for all these years, the pool on the Titanic is still full.

Probably can’t do this unless you’ve already bought it.

We need to keep our voters angry

I have an amazing idea

If that ballroom is finished by the end of his term, I’ll eat my shoes.

I’m willing to let that slide for almost anyone born pre-enlightment. As long as they didn’t get super murdery over it.

I also got it for free from the epic store. Maybe I’ll play it eventually.

Is being devoted to a pedophile even more disgusting than being a pedophile?

Of course not, but it’s still pretty pathetic.

Baby, don’t grit your hidden teeth. They’ll bleed, and you don’t have insurance, baby.

Just grit your teeth and bear it, baby. If you were an adult, you’d wish you’d just gotten spanked instead of having your life ruined.

Oh shit, you don’t have any teeth. Sorry, baby.

The only thing I can appreciate Elon Musk and Peter Thiel for is their tireless work proving that being too rich causes mental illness.

The only thing that will signal (to me) that this is a movement with any oomph will be if they start endorsing primarying sitting senators and members of congress.

The gym for training your body, the bakery for training your self-discipline.

I wish I’d known about this strategy when my rival picked geologist as his starting Pokémon.

Am I a monster? No, it’s the children who are wrong. That’s why we blow them up.