Jeez, I haven’t drank that much in my entire life

Just make sure Keegan Michael Key is around to help reboot your smart toilet https://youtu.be/ddgVVeSX_tE

Santa also punched a dude at the Council of Nicea

My dad is still running this exact computer, but he only uses it to print one certain thing a month

It’s legal in a lot of states in the US

I don’t know if it’s funnier if its true or if it’s false but, either way, I bet he’s thrilled she told it

On the shoulders of giants, sir

There was a guy named Hero of Alexandria who was alive at the time of Jesus. He was a brilliant inventor, like the DaVinci of his day. He wrote 4 books. The first 3 are about his own inventions and the 4th seems similar but is thought to be a book explaining how other common things worked. In that 4th book he details how a trick “water into wine” jug works.

This is like Jesus trying to prove who he is by doing a card trick. “Look, I know all the other card tricks are just tricks, but THIS ONE is really magic.”

This seems ok as long as you allow people to buy it back for a reasonable price

I’m not a law guy but I seriously doubt there is a military law that says it is illegal to say not to do illegal things

Because of woke

But how do we know Asia’s coastline isn’t more jaggedy?

Damn right. Nothing beats pumpkin pie, especially around Christmas.

Pumpkin pie

Paging Timothy Dexter

I don’t think we can read that much into it. “Ask him if Putin has the photos of Trump blowing bubba like I made up last week when we were joking about what Putin might have on him.”

Regardless if it’s true or not, this would be a great time for Clinton to take one for the team and say it happened. “He even introduced me to something called analingus, which I had never had before. He was really practiced at it, he said it was his favorite thing in the world.”

I’d spend half on hookers and blow, the other half I’d just waste

“Recall the Alamo!”

I like that millions of people are asking if Trump was giving blowjobs but this looks like a joke to me. This isn’t Epstein letting it slip that Trump likes to have dicks in his mouth. He’s with Bannon so his brother is joking “ask him what blackmail Putin has on Trump, photos of him blowing somebody or something?”

Unless maybe Jeff told Mark that Trump gives BJs so Mark is saying “ask Bannon about that thing you told me about.”

Often it’s children’s junk their obsessed with. Absolute perverts