I’ve never personally seen him IRL.

Isn’t it perfectly normal to wear a tattered blue napkin as a skirt, as long as you’re wearing thigh-high socks?

Damn, we’ve got his name, his crime, and current location, and reporting him to the law will do nothing??

As an American with no social skills whatsoever, I get confused & annoyed when people offer me a beverage when I arrive at their house. Like why do they think I’m suddenly thirsty?

I’ve heard that maga prayers on his behalf are forming protection around him, making him stronger every time witches try to cast spells on him to hasten his demise.

I know someone who earns six figures who can’t spell, doesn’t know that he’s Caucasian, doesn’t know the difference between Chinese and Japanese people, thinks it’s a fine idea to sit in a swimming pool during a lightning storm, and once wrote a $1000 check to himself, thinking the bank would honor it and he’d suddenly have an extra $1000 in the bank.

What I enjoy about being a woman is 2026 is I am free to come & go as I please, have my own bank accounts & credit cards, responsible & accountable for my own self & my own money & I don’t have to answer to anyone,

but it sucks that I don’t have any other option.

I can’t just sit at home and have someone take care of me for the rest of my life. Because deep deep down, no matter what gender you are, you gotta admit, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone take care of you while all you have to do is sit around being sexy all day? 😜

I like the businesses that ask you for your email address and they send you a code and then you put that code into their box and they do a new one every time like that, so there’s never a password required.

We all get excited when we see our dream home until the increasing mortgages & property taxes hit us

MEALTESS

Yes you said that.

How the heck are we supposed to get permission to b̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶u̶s̶ ̶ eat comforting meat everywhere we go?

Wow, I’m blocking you. Hey everybody block this guy so everything he does will never be seen.

I hate when my toothbrush refuses to brush my teeth before I tell it my social security number & give it a vial of fresh blood from my most recent sacrificial offering.

Yeah the one where we’re supposed to put our forearm through the hook. But you know people would just use their bare bacteria-ridden hands to pull that. Defeating the purpose of the germ-free handle.

I don’t think he called me very often. I lived with him. I saw him every day & slept with him every night.

Oh I thought you were going to cite some law regarding putting glow sticks in a fish bowl and man in gorilla suit terrorizing drivers.

When I first started this job they did not tell me this food was deducted from our paycheck whether or not we even step foot into the cafeteria, so when I looked at my pay stub a few months into my employment, was a little surprised but then realized based on what I’ve learned about human nature over the years, when people receive something for free they tend to appreciate it less, and abuse/misuse even disrespect such privileges, so I think it’s appropriate that we pay for this food. It only breaks down to $5.50 a day* for all you can eat buffet so it’s a pretty damn good deal as long as we use it because again, pretty sure they deduct the cafeteria fee from our paychecks whether or not we ever step foot in there.

• I did the math, I’ve only worked 28 days this year so far and they’ve deducted total $155.13 from my pay for the cafeteria this year so it breaks down to about $5.50 a day.

I wonder if every other detail of her life is similarly chaotic.

He didn’t have my number memorized, he just used his phone log and click on that to call me back. Or click on our texting history. A few years before I met him, his super hot blonde wife left him for another man so he was a bit distraught & having trouble moving forward.

Fucking clickbait title. The coffin did not fall from the fucking sky.