Turning 18 is so confusing. You’re old enough to fight, kill and die in a war in a place you’ve never heard of, but too young to drink. Your parents can disqualify you from student aid.

I’m not sure if that’s a typo or brilliant. They need to “cell” new phones every year, indeed.

My brain refused to see anything but a child jumping on the bed for a solid 30 seconds. Jesus.

Dear Lord. I’m 6’4" with size 12 feet.

Vi, that you?

Mampire?

Fuck. I’m a milk vampire.

The real question is whether they brought a poop knife.